she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
