you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
