Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
