Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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