I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He? As in you personified your dick?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
