I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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