I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
