Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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