I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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