Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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