I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
