According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
