dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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