Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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