I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
