Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
