Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
