so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
