I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize