I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
