so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
