so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Vodka?
Forever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
