I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
