I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
