I just googled if crying burns calories
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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