she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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