i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
