Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
