Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
