So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So much rum. So many feels.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
