And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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