her vagine was all disorganized.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
