a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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