does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
