she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
