I cockslap morals
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
