I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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