I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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