Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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