to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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