another moral hangover. fuck.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
