Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
