I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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