My first STD was from a foam party
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
