You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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