just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
