We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
