Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
