the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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