hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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