what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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