Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
